What to say and when

Like many well brought up people, I was told topics to avoid discussing with people, including money, politics and personal habits. "Stick to the weather and which books you like reading", was my elders' advice.

However, I've just read an amusing article about what we should avoid speaking about on the BBC website.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-11845363

Clearly times have changed; it isn't funny to mention 'bomb' in an airport and it is wise to take care when emailing, writing on facebook and tweeting.

You have been warned!

Mind where you post an opinion

This week I did something that I've never done before: I posted a message on an online forum. This was in response to Austin being voted off Strictly Come Dancing. My son was distraught at this, and I started a new message stating this. I was astonished at the vitriol that some posters directed at my quite innocent comment. It seemed that for some posters, hiding behind a forum name, making personal attacks on myself and my son were perfectly acceptable, yet these comments were in the public domain. Fortunately I also had a pseudonym to avoid identification, but the hate directed at me by a minority was an eye opener. I should mention that the majority of posts were telling the minority to 'back off'.

Now I have learnt from this: I won't be posting another such message! But it made me think of how we communicate on line, and whether hiding behind a screen (whether it be via email or a forum) results in some people forgetting basic manners and communication styles that are unacceptable in other environments.

I remember receiving an astonishing email from a colleague when I was doing some singing teaching: he would never have spoken to me in that way, yet I had this crazy email. Perhaps as it was written I wasn't able to detect the nuance of what he was saying - although it was pretty blunt to me.

I also received an email from a Women's organisation, asking me to contribute to their website, to promote women's entrepreneurship. I had never met "Sophie" yet she copied me, and 100 other entrepreneurs into the same email, which had very girlie, friendly copy, signing herself 'love and kisses Sophiexx' - and demanding I spent 2 hours writing up something to promote her project. I am sure what she does is valuable, but her presentation, familiarity and style - to ask a stranger to volunteer time, did not engage me to assist her. In fact it did the opposite and I didn't want to be associated with her project.

My message today is to really consider how you use emails - and forums when communicating with others; whether they are good friends or strangers. Consider the best way of communicating which is respectful of the other person - particularly if they are a stranger.

How do you say it?

Earlier this week I attended a charity evening "shop" at a mid-market ladies dress shop. It was a very pleasant evening with champagne, canapes, treatments from some charming girls, goodie bags and an opportunity to purchase at a 10% discount! I planned to buy some of my winter wardrobe there.
I was just looking at some dresses on a rail when a shop assistant barked at me "Move, I have a customer with me!" Somewhat stunned, I realised that she was actually speaking to me: a potential customer... I would have been horrified if one of my team, representing my company had spoken to anyone like that, and needless to say I left the evening very soon after, having not bought anything.
Yesterday I went to the Royal Albert Hall to see a concert. Unfortunately the lighting had been set so that our whole section had a blue or white light shining directly into our eyes. We all spent most of the first half covering our eyes, and needless to say, we could hardly see when the lights went up. I decided to find the front of house manager, to let him know of the situation and to request that new seats could be found. I was courteous, and he responded by being most helpful; he found us outstanding seats in the upper stalls, and arranged for everyone that wasn't in our party to also be re-seated. I left feeling very positive about the outcome and the service that the RAH provided.
The way we address people affects the outcome; I have no further plans to visit the dress shop again because I was treated appallingly, yet I will return to the RAH very soon. I am sure my request for seats would have been treated less positively had I approached the situation differently; front of house managers can find limited view seats when required...
When addressing strangers - in particular, it is a thought worth bearing in mind...