Reading other people

We had a tremendous time at the Fielder Centre, Hatfield for the 'Make an Impact with Your Voice' workshop. The delegates discovered new aspects of their vocal and communication styles and how they could be more effective in a variety of business situations.

There were a number of very interesting discussions, but I am going to share one with you. A highly successful academic shared her frustration in communicating with an external member of her staff. The woman concerned closed her eyes, moved her head around and generally didn't connect with the academic. The workshop participants all interpreted this behaviour in different ways - was she nervous, disinterested, self absorbed,arrogant, vain, shy??

The academic - who interpreted the external staff member in the same way as me, was, understandably finding it difficult to have an engaging conversation with her. Obviously when you are speaking with someone that has profound mannerisms, you are going to react to these - and not necessarily in a positive way. We remember previous instances and people that have these mannerisms and if we are not careful, we can fall into the pattern of reacting to these memories.

Our aim is to be as an effective communicator as possible. Occasionally that is a real challenge, but in these situations, it is worthwhile taking a mental step backwards, neutralise the memories to say it is a new situation, and start again! We are as responsible for communication not working as much as the person we speak to, and if we can be open and friendly, the chances are that the conversation will be more successful.

Of course, there are going to be people we don't get on with, or who are impossible to communicate with - but let's try to give them the benefit of the doubt until you have tried a number of styles!